I Should've Hold You Tighter

I should've hold you tighter, since you're important to me 

i should've told you that words years ago.
have you ever feel when something goes wrong, you dont know what happen you just know it's wrong and you seem lost because a second ago everything was right and now it's all messed up. have you ever experience something like that? i know it's a bit vague.
i'm sorry i dont write it in bahasa this time. i cant. it's too much hurts.

this story start with a thing called friendship. is it? is it friendship we had last time? i dont know what that is. in fact, i'm not sure it's friendship because we're so close more than friend. we were so close we videocalled each other. we were so close i sang lullaby for you to sleep. we were so close. four years ago.
but look at us now. we barely talk. you barely call my name. we're stranger to each other. what happen? what happen to us? even if im not sure there happen to be 'us'.

i should've hold you tighter. becuse you are important to me. 

you said you did this to every friends of yours. you said it's not a big deal. IT IS A BIG DEAL FOR ME. you did this. you slipped from my finger without me realise.
i know four years is a lot of times. maybe i changed by time. or maybe you changed. or maybe we just grow up. but HOW? SINCE WHEN? WHY? why cant i see that change? why...so many why because i dont see that coming. because all i know everything was fine and perfect and we had each other but you threw me away for something i dont know why.

i should've hold you tighter. you are important to me, dont you know that?

you erased everythis as if nothing happen. as if i never existed. but i am. so does our last chat history.
i thought maybe we just grow up. maybe time brings us to grown up version of ourselves. but if it is, it shouldn't change our friendship, right? love comes and goes but friendship stays.
the grown up version of ourselves, i can understand if you're busy and cant do many videocall like the last time we did, i can understand that. i can understand if you have a girlfriend who abandon you to chat with other girl, i can understand that too. i can understand everything. everything.
but everything you told me was we had nothing. i am a stranger. i am outsider. i cant understand that.

i cant believe i lost you. i cant believe myself i lost you. i should've hold you tighter. 

maybe time.
four years is a lot of time, right? for baby to grow up, people to change, feeling to fade.
maybe i was too busy back then i abandon you and you were waiting. maybe because i didn't come back in time you go. maybe i did something something wrong i didn't realise four years ago and you mad at me. maybe maybe maybe there're a lot of maybe in my head. i try to picture everything and find out since when, why, how, we became stranger like this.

so help me, okay? help me find out what's wrong and explain to me. i wont ask you to talk back like we used to. i wont ask you to go back the time we were okay because we're not. i wont ask you to be 'you' i know back then. i just ask you to explain to me what happened, what did i do wrong, when did everything start to going wrong. i just need that so i can let you go.

i should've hold you tighter because you are important and you still do and always do.